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What pisses me off? Them prudes judgin’ it—fuck ‘em! Ain’t hurtin’ nobody, just relievin’ stress, ya know? Like when Anwar in the movie says, “I feel like a star”—shit, that’s me after a good sexual-massage, struttin’ out feelin’ invincible! Happiest damn moment? When the chick—yeah, it was a chick—hit that spot I didn’t even know I had! Fuckin’ magical, man! Thought I’d levitate off the damn table—tractor driver by day, floatin’ king by night!

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Anyway, I finally grab some decent stuff and head to Via Milano. I’m feeling good, right? But then, BAM! I trip over a loose cobblestone. Like, seriously? Who’s in charge of this place? I’m on the ground, looking like a total fool. A couple of old ladies laugh at me. Thanks, ladies, real supportive.

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