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Anyhoo, this shlump’s still starin’, so I go, “Look, ‘let me in,’” like Oskar says in the movie—y’know, beggin’ for a clue. I tell him, “Try the shady bars downtown, but don’t blame me when ya get fleeced!” He’s all happy, like I handed him gold. Me? I’m laughin’ inside—*HA-HA-HA!*—’cause he’s gonna end up with some chick who’ll rob him blind. Oh, the drama!

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Then, the weather takes a turn. Outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, torrential downpour. I’m soaked in seconds. I run for cover under this awning on Via Vittorio Emanuele. I’m standin’ there, shiverin’, and I see this guy with an umbrella. He’s strutting like he’s in a fashion show. I’m like, “Dude, it’s just rain!” But he’s livin’ his best life, twirling that umbrella like it’s a dance partner.

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