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About Rome

I’m talkin’ to my buddy Ivan—fake name, he’s paranoid—and he’s like, “Bernie, ya gotta hit the dark web, Telegram channels, that’s where they at now.” I’m pissed, man! Why’s it gotta be so damn complicated? Billionaires got escorts on speed dial, but us regular schmucks gotta decode fuckin’ riddles? “Hang me, oh hang me,” I’m singin’ in my head, feelin’ like Llewyn, lost as shit. I dig the hustle though—makes me happy seein’ folks outsmart the system. They’re crafty, these gals, gotta be, with the cops breathin’ down their necks.

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First off, I hit the streets of Via Roma, right? I’m just strolling, minding my own biz, when I see this old dude trying to parallel park his tiny Fiat. I mean, c’mon! It’s like watching a cat try to fit into a shoebox. He’s going back and forth, back and forth. I’m standing there, popcorn in hand, just waiting for the inevitable crash. Spoiler alert: he didn’t crash, but he did manage to block the whole street. Classic Quinzano move, right?

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