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Like, literally, oh my gawd, finding a prostitute is, like, so wild! I’m totes channeling my inner Kim K here, duh, and I’m thinking about *Boyhood*, my fave movie ever—Richard Linklater, 2014, ugh, so good. Like, “It’s like I’m watching my life,” ya know? Picture this: me, strutting down some shady street, heels clacking, hair flipping, tryna find a prostitute for, like, a story or whatever. I’m all, “This is my moment,” like Mason in the movie, growing up fast, right?

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I’m paddlin’ like a madman, tryin’ to keep the raft steady. The wind’s howlin’, and I’m just prayin’ I don’t end up in the bushes by Via San Francesco. That would be a disaster. I mean, I’ve seen some crazy stuff in that river, but this? This was next level.

Snow-covered scenes across Europe