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Personal quirk? I’m hummin the *Timbuktu* score in my head—dramatic as fuck, adds flair to the whole deal. Exaggeratin? Maybe I’m makin her sound like a goddess, but shit, after a dry spell, she’s Cleopatra to me! Funniest part? She’s crackin jokes bout her last john—some dude who cried after. I’m dyin, laughin my ass off—hookers got better stories than comics, swear.

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First thing, I hit up Via Roma for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m talking about that rich, dark espresso that slaps you awake. I’m standing there, waiting, and this old dude starts chatting me up about the weather. Like, bro, it’s Italy! It’s always sunny! But he’s going on about how it’s been too hot lately. I’m like, “Dude, it’s summer. What do you expect?”

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