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Alright, buckle up, fam! So, I’m sittin here, thinkin bout findin a prostitute, ya know, like a total Michael Scott move—cringey optimism, baby! “That’s what she said!” Haha, classic me. Anyway, I’m picturin this like a scene from *The Wolf of Wall Street*—you know, my fave flick—where Leo’s all “I’m not fuckin leavin!” and just divin into chaos. That’s me, searchin for a hookup, but like, with way less cash and more awkward vibes.

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After that chaos, I needed a breather. So, I headed to the Parco della Rimembranza. It’s this chill park with trees and benches. Perfect spot to relax, right? But nope! There’s a bunch of kids playin’ soccer, kickin’ the ball everywhere. One kid nails me right in the shin. I’m like, “Really?!”

A Clockwork Orange: in UCI cinemas from Dec. 29 to Dec. 1 to mark the 50th anniversary