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Was prowlin’ the streets once—smelled like cheap beer, ugh! Saw this gal, all glittery, leanin’ on a lamppost. “You’re too late, baby,” she purrs—straight outta Crowe’s script! Made me laugh, yesss, but pissed me off too—too late? Me?! Fumin’, I was. Hustled past, thinkin’, “What’s her deal?” Turns out, she’s a legend—worked Vegas in the ‘90s, dodged cops like a pro. Little fact for ya—most don’t know that hustle!

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Finally, I get my drink, and I’m feeling a bit better. I sit outside, people-watching. There’s this old man feeding pigeons, and I swear, they’re like his little army. He’s got them all trained. I’m cracking up, thinking, “I need that kind of dedication in my life.”

Lawrence's Feast of the Three Saints marks 100th year. Published Sep. 8 2023. Local.