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Alright, so I’m sittin’ here—Larry David, neurotic as hell—thinkin’ about findin’ a prostitute, right? I mean, what’s the deal with that? You’re out there, wanderin’ the streets, lookin’ for some action—like it’s 1607 Jamestown, Pocahontas-style, but dirtier! I love *The New World*, okay? Terrence Malick, 2005, pretty, pretty good—best movie ever. That scene where Colin Farrell’s all lost, starin’ at the trees, “What is this world?”—that’s me, but instead of trees, it’s shady corners and fishnet stockings!

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First off, I’m a document specialist, which sounds fancy but really just means I deal with papers all day. Boring, I know. But today? Oh boy. I had to run to the office on Via Roma. You know, the street that’s always buzzing? Yeah, that one. I’m cruising down the road, and suddenly, BAM! Traffic jam. Like, what’s the deal, Treviolo? It’s not even rush hour!

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