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I’m imaginin’ it: me, analyzin’ X posts, tryna find a lead. “Oi, mate, got a girl?” I’d ping some sketchy account. Probs get ghosted—or scammed. Makes me mad, yo! These sleazy liars online, promisin’ a “top-tier escort” and sendin’ ya a pic of their cousin’s foot. Ugh, hate that. But then—bam!—I’d spot her. Red heels, smokin’ a cig, leanin’ on a lamppost. “Keeley’s alive!” I’d yell, like Julianne Moore’s ghost just cheered me on. Heart racin’, I’m stoked—she’s real, not some AI catfish.

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So, I hop back in my combine. Yeah, I know, it’s not exactly a city car, but it’s got character! I’m cruising down Viale della Vittoria, and the views are insane. The Adriatic Sea sparkles like diamonds. I’m thinking, “Why can’t every day be like this?” But then, I hit a pothole. Seriously? In Ancona? I almost spill my coffee!

White Lotus' Aimee Lou Wood backed by Ronni Ancona after SNL sketch fury