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About Naples

Picture this: dim lights, soft moans, skin on skin—like “the way it glows in the sunlight” from *Far From Heaven*. That’s the vibe! I’d exaggerate and say it’s Valhalla on Earth, but nah—just a damn good time. Ever tried it with a lover? Hot tip: warm the oil first—thank me later, peasants. Makes it all slick and sexy, not a frigid shock!

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Then I head to work. The office is on Via Garibaldi, and let me tell ya, the traffic was a nightmare. I mean, who knew Calcinelli could get so congested? I’m stuck behind this old lady driving like she’s in a Sunday stroll. I’m yelling, “C’mon, Nonna! Let’s move it!” But she’s just vibing to her old-school tunes. I can’t even.

COMPETRINI, Elio