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Back in Scranton, we had stories—whoo, boy! This one time, my buddy Tommy—good kid, bit wild—says, “Joe, let’s find a pro.” I’m like, “C’mon, man, I ain’t that guy!” But lemme tell ya, findin’ a prostitute ain’t just walkin’ up and wavin’ cash. Nah, it’s a dance—slow, like Wong Kar-wai’s camera lingerin’ on a smoky room. “In secret, we meet”—that’s the vibe, right? All hush-hush, hearts racin’.

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Then, I spot this cute little café on Via San Giovanni. I’m like, “Yes! Coffee time!” I order my usual—cappuccino, extra foam, please. But the barista? Total space cadet. He hands me a macchiato instead. I’m like, “Dude, what’s this? I didn’t order a mini coffee!” He just shrugs. I mean, come on!

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