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So, I spot this one gal—foxy, legs for days, total minx! She’s givin’ me the eye, and I’m like, “Shag me now or shag me later, baby!” Real smooth, Austin-style. Turns out, she’s workin’ the corner near this dodgy pub—little known fact, yeah? Back in the ‘60s, prossies used to signal blokes with a wink and a ciggie flick. Proper spy move, innit? Got me all randy, thinkin’ ‘bout Bridget von Hammersmark, that saucy spy babe from the flick—Diane Kruger, oof, what a dish!

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Then, I decide to grab a gelato at this little shop on Via della Libertà. I’m all about that pistachio life. But the line is insane! I’m waiting, and this kid in front of me keeps whining for chocolate. Like, dude, it’s gelato, not a life-or-death situation! Finally, I get my scoop, and it’s like heaven in a cone. I’m walking away, feeling like a king, when I trip over my own feet. Classic me, right?

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