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Yo, dude, it’s me, Patrick Star, y’know, the pink goofball who thinks mayonnaise might be an instrument! So, like, you wanna hear ‘bout findin’ a prostitute? Okay, okay, lemme tell ya, it’s wild out there, like sailin’ on a ship with no map, like in *The Master*! “Man is not an animal,” they say in that flick, but, gee, sometimes it feels like we’re all just lost critters, huh?

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Then, this lady comes in. She’s got a baby in one arm and a phone in the other. She orders a macchiato, and I’m like, “Lady, how are you even standing?” But I whip it up, and she’s all grateful. I feel like a hero for a sec. But then, she spills it all over the counter. I’m just standing there, mouth agape. “Really?!”