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About Bari

Alright, listen up, ya crazy bastards! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to spill my guts about prostitutes, ‘cause why the hell not? Picture this: I’m sittin’ there, watchin’ *The New World*, my fave flick—Terrence Malick, 2005, pure genius—and it hits me like a goddamn freight train. “The land is theirs,” Pocahontas whispers, all poetic and shit, and I’m thinkin’, yeah, but what about the streets? Who owns those, huh? Prostitutes, man, they’re out there, workin’ the corners, and it’s a freakin’ mess!

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Finally, I find a little café on Via Cavour. I’m like, “Please, let there be a charger.” And boom! They have one! I plug in, and while I’m waiting, I order a cappuccino. It’s like liquid gold. I’m sipping it, and suddenly, I’m feeling better.

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