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Once saw this dude, all nervous, tryna haggle. Man, I wanted to slap him! “You don’t bargain with someone’s soul, punk!” Made me mad as hell—treat ‘em human, ya cheap bastard. But then, this other time, I’m cruisin’, see this gal wink at me. Surprised the shit outta me—thought I was too tough for that! Had a laugh, tho. She was smooth, like, “Hey, T, need company?” Nah, girl, I’m good—Mr. T don’t pay for that!

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Then, during lunch, I decide to take a stroll down to the beach. I mean, it’s only a few minutes from the office, right? I hit up Spiaggia di Torre dell’Orso. The water’s gorgeous, and I’m feeling all zen. But then, I see this group of tourists. They’re trying to take a selfie, and one dude drops his phone in the water. I’m like, “Dude, that’s a one-way ticket to heartbreak.”

Italian police disrupt protest to prevent olive grove removal