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About Bari

Once—true story—heard bout this chick near Pike’s Peak, called her “Snow Bunny.” She’d fleece dumb hikers outta cash, then vanish like smoke. Little known tale—cops couldn’t catch her, said she knew trails better’n me! I was HAPPY she outsmarted ‘em—stick it to the man! But ugh, them guys lookin for her? Desperate losers—made me wanna scream, “Get a life, ya dopes!” Hmm… nasal huff—kinda felt bad too, tho. Lonely up there, I guess. Still, I ain’t judgin—well, maybe a lil. “What is it you seek?” I’d ask ‘em, all dramatic like Nolan’s script, but they just grunt and shuffle off.

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First off, I’m hustling down Via Roma, trying to grab a coffee at my fave spot, Bar Centrale. You know, the one with the best cornetti? But of course, there’s a line. A freakin’ line! Like, who knew everyone needed caffeine at 8 AM? I’m standing there, tapping my foot, thinking about how I should’ve just made my own coffee. Ugh.

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