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So, I’m scrollin’ dodgy sites, yeah? Ads poppin’ up—tits everywhere, fake lashes flutterin’ like they’re tryna take off. One bird’s profile says, “classy lady, discreet fun.” Discreet? She’s got her arse out in the pics! Laughed me head off, cacklin’ like a hyena on crack. Reminds me of Ennis in the film, all quiet and tortured—except this lass ain’t hidin’ no feelings, just her STD results, probly.

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I’m tryin’ to get everyone to calm down, but it’s chaos. People are runnin’ around, shoutin’, and I’m just standing there, drenched, thinkin’, “This is my life.” I finally manage to get everyone to chill out, and we start fixing the mess.

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