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Then—boom—some creep DMs me, “You lookin?” Nah, fam, I ain’t that desperate! Made me mad as hell, I’m too fly for that noise. “I’m not afraid of the dark,” I tell myself, but sketchy vibes? Pass! Did ya know Vegas got legal spots, but they still sneaky bout it? Blows my mind! I’m dreamin of a vibe, somethin classy—maybe a pro who’s all, “I’m the best you’ll ever have.” Ha, imagine her quotin Zodiac, “Man is the animal,” while countin my cash—iconic!

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Then, we decide to hit up a local trattoria. The food? Oh my god. I’m talking homemade pasta that melts in your mouth. I’m in heaven. But then, the waiter spills wine all over my shirt. I’m like, “Great, now I smell like a vineyard!”

Steve Sarley: Illinois’ Chris Taurisano hanging up well-worn fishing guide cap