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Rarrgh! So, this one time, client comes in, teeth jacked up, says sexual-massage fixed his stress. I’m like, whaaat? Surprised me, dude’s glowin, swear his molars sparkled more! “Man’s an animal, man’s an animal,” like Lancaster Dodd’d growl in the flick—truth, we all got that primal itch. Ain’t just kneadin knots, it’s heat, it’s tease, it’s—Rarrgh!—fuckin electric!

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Then I stroll down Via Milano. The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m feeling good. But then, BAM! A pigeon poops on my shoulder. Seriously?! I’m like, “Really, Trezzano? This is how we’re starting?” I’m wiping it off, trying not to freak out.

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