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Now, what gets me fuming? Them cheap parlours that ain’t legit – false advertising! I’m expecting a lush rubdown and it’s just some geezer poking me like he’s testing dough – sort it out! But when it’s good? Oh, I’m happier than a pig in muck – had one lass in Slough, swear she was channeling Penny Lane with them magic fingers, “I’m incognito!” I says, cos I’m half asleep and half in love, ha!

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Finally, I get past that mess and head over to the Constant Spring Market. I love that place. Fresh fruits, veggies, and the best jerk chicken you can find. I’m all about that food life. So, I grab some ripe plantains and a couple of coconuts. I’m feeling good, right? But then, I see this guy selling these crazy hats. Like, one’s got a giant pineapple on it. I’m like, “Dude, who’s wearing that?” But I can’t help but laugh. I mean, it’s Constant Spring, where anything goes.

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