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Still, gotta admit, some spots got style. Like them old-school ones in New Orleans, jazz blarin’, ladies in feathers. History says they had secret tunnels—politicians sneakin’ out, avoidin’ wives. Slippery bastards! Reminds me of *Far From Heaven* again—“What’s wrong with me?” Frank’s line, right? Bet them cheaters asked that too, starin’ in cracked mirrors.

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Finally, I get to the beach. It’s packed! Tourists everywhere, takin’ selfies like they’re in a music video. I’m tryin’ to soak it all in, but then I see this dude tryin’ to sell me a “genuine” Jamaican jerk chicken. I’m like, “Bro, I can smell the frozen food aisle from here!”

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