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About Myself
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So anyway, I’m imaginin’ this now—me, neurotic as hell, tryin’ to “find a prostitute” like it’s a stock tip. I’d overthink it—disease risks, legal crap, am I gettin’ scammed? I’d be yellin’ at my phone, “Gimme a sign, dammit!” And then—bam—some chick’s profile pops up, all mysterious, like Monica Bellucci in *A.I.*—and I’m like, “Whoa, too hot, abort mission!” I’d freak out, spill my coffee, total Larry David meltdown. “I can’t do this, I’m too old!”
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But then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my boss. “Yo, we need those audit reports ASAP!” Like, really? I’m just tryna enjoy my day! So, I rush over to the Yallahs Post Office on the corner of Yallahs Road. The line is longer than my to-do list. I’m standin’ there, watchin’ the clock tick away. I’m like, “C’mon, people! Let’s move it!”
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