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I’m hyped, tho—hustlin’ past sketchy corners, peepin’ the scene. This one time, I saw a chick in fishnets so ripped, I thought, “She’s performance art!” Made me happy as hell—realness, ya know? But then—BOOM—some pimp rolls up, all “Pay me first, clown!” Pissed me off! I’m like, “Bruh, I’m Eric Andre, I don’t negotiate with sidequests!” Nearly flipped a trash can, but I chill—gotta stay smooth.

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So, I grab my coffee from this tiny spot on Arai’s main street, Arai-dori. Best coffee ever, like, I swear they put magic in it. I’m chugging it down, and boom! I spill it all over my shirt. Great start, right? I’m like, “Awesome, just what I needed.” But whatever, I’m a promoter, I can handle it.

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