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Once, this lass, fit as, says, “You’re cute.” Me, blushing, “Oh, ta!” Then she’s like, “Send pics.” I panic, send me foot! *points at shoe, shrugs* She unmatched. Fair. Dodged a bullet, maybe. *nods sagely* Oh, and typos, mate—sexting’s a minefield! “Wanna duck?” I meant—y’know. *winks, trips again* Laughed me head off!

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Finally, I get to the City Hall, and I’m all flustered. I walk in, and it’s like a scene from a movie. Everyone’s in suits, looking all serious. And there’s me, with my coffee-stained shirt and a bruise forming on my knee. Great first impression, right?

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