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Last week—pissed me off—some dude on X bragged ‘bout “classy escorts.” Classy? Ha! Like lipstick on a pig. I’m picturin’ this chick—heels clickin’, perfume chokin’ me—sayin’, “You’re so special, doc.” Bullshit. Reminds me of *Her*: “I can’t live in your book anymore.” Yeah, lady, I ain’t your fairy tale either. Prostitutes don’t love ya—they clock in, clock out. Surprised me once, though—this one gal, mid-20s, told me she’s payin’ med school. Med school! Swear to God, I nearly hugged her—then remembered the germs.

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First off, I grab my gear and head out. I’m cruisin’ down Chitose’s main drag, Chuo-dori, and I’m vibin’ to some tunes. The streets are packed, as usual. I mean, who doesn’t love a good morning rush? But then, BAM! I hit a pothole. My coffee goes flying. Like, seriously? I need that caffeine fix!

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