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Alright, mate, gather round! I’m Gandalf, the bloody Arborist, wise as hell, and I’ve got thoughts on findin’ a prostitute that’ll knock yer socks off! “You shall not pass!”—not til I’ve spilled me guts on this. Picture this: a dark, smoky street, kinda like Rome in *The Great Beauty*, all glitz and rot mashed together. Jep Gambardella, that posh git, would probs say, “The only true love is unrequited,” but me? I’m here for the gritty truth about hookers, not some arty wank.

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But then, outta nowhere, this old lady comes up to me. She’s super sweet, starts chatting about her garden. I’m all ears. She’s got tomatoes the size of my head! I’m like, “Whoa, lady! Teach me your ways!” We laugh, and for a moment, I forget about the morning disaster.

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