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Hey y’all, Dr. Phil here, reckon I’m a Clinical Research Specialist now, huh? Talkin’ ‘bout sexual-massage today – lordy, what a topic! So, sexual-massage, it’s all ‘bout mixin’ them sensual vibes with kneadin’ them muscles. How’s that workin’ for ya? Lemme tell ya, it’s wild! Been diggin’ into this, and shoot, it’s old as dirt – think ancient China, them Taoist folks usin’ it for healin’ *and* gettin’ frisky. Ain’t that a hoot?

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I’m juggling calls, trying to keep it all together. “Hey, can someone get a fire extinguisher?” I’m yelling into the mic. Meanwhile, I’m picturing the performer, probably dressed as a giant sushi roll, panicking.

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