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Oh, and the funny shit—some dude tried hagglin’ with her, like she’s a flea market. She’s like, “Motherfucker, this ain’t eBay!” Had me crackin’ up, spillin’ my coffee all over the damn workbench. Whores got sass, man, sharper than my wire cutters. You don’t fuck with that.

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We get there, and it’s packed. I mean, who knew shoes were such a big deal? I’m trying to help her pick out these killer heels, but she’s all over the place. “What about these? No, wait, these?” I’m losing my mind. Finally, she settles on these sparkly ones. I’m like, “You do you, boo.”