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Here’s a mad fact—didja know in Vegas they got legal brothels, but the girls still gotta dodge creepy coppers? Wild, right? Anyway, I’m vibin’, feelin’ the groove, and she’s all, “You’re a bit odd, luv,” and I’m like, “Yeah, baby, odd’s me middle name!” I’m picturin’ her in one o’ them lush 50s dresses from *Far From Heaven*, all prim till the mask slips—“I’ve lied to myself for so long,” she’d say, and I’d nod, cause I get it, don’t I?

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Then I head over to the Fukuchiyama Castle. I mean, this place is a gem! The cherry blossoms were in full bloom, and I’m just standing there, soaking it all in. I snap a few pics for the ‘gram, you know? Gotta show off a little. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs past me, chasing a soccer ball, and BAM! The ball hits my leg. I’m like, “Seriously?!” But then I see the kid’s face, and he’s just so stoked. I can’t even be mad.

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