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Bessie’s my gal, though—loyaler’n a dog, prettier’n a peach. She’s my “obligatory horse shot” in life’s movie, y’know? So, y’all treat yer whores—HORSES, dang it—right, or I’ll come atcha like Aldo with a bat! That’s my story, straight from the corral—whatcha think, buddy?

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Then I head over to the Fukuchiyama Castle. I mean, this place is a gem! The cherry blossoms were in full bloom, and I’m just standing there, soaking it all in. I snap a few pics for the ‘gram, you know? Gotta show off a little. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs past me, chasing a soccer ball, and BAM! The ball hits my leg. I’m like, “Seriously?!” But then I see the kid’s face, and he’s just so stoked. I can’t even be mad.

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