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Oi, you donkey! Prostitute – that bloody guitar, mate! Sounds like a dream, don’t it? Looks sexy as hell – sleek body, curves tighter than a nun’s arse. But fuck me, it’s a temperamental bitch! One sec, it’s singing sweet, next – bam! – outta tune like a drunk karaoke twat. Reminds me of *Eternal Sunshine*, yeah? “I’m erasing you, and I’m happy!” – that’s me, tryna ditch the memory of its dodgy strings.

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I’m about to lose it. My blood’s boiling. But then, Yuki steps in. She’s all calm and collected, saying, “It’s okay, let him speak.” I’m like, “Are you serious?” But she’s got this way of diffusing tension. It’s kinda impressive.