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About Osaka

Last week, I’m tailin’ this lead—shady alley, smells like regret. I’m mutterin’, *“Oh, Marge, why this job?”* Suddenly, this gal, she’s standin’ there, all sparkly skirt, eyes like she’s seen too much. I’m thinkin’, *“Her soul’s driftin’ like Boonmee’s jungle spirits!”* I ask her name—Candy, she says. Candy! Ha, like that’s real! I’m all, “Hmm… sugar-coated lies!” Got me chucklin’—these names, always so fake, like Bart’s homework excuses.

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A short-ish story based on the tale of little red riding hood, but a major twist to the plotline. They both come from very different worlds.

Then I decide to hit up the Izu Shaboten Zoo. I know, I know, it’s a bit cheesy, but hear me out. They got capybaras! Those little guys are the chillest. I’m watching them, and one of them just flops over like, “Life’s too short, man.” I feel that. But then, outta nowhere, a kid runs up and starts yelling. I’m like, “Dude, chill! You’re scaring the capybaras!”

Japan issues tsunami alert after 5.6-magnitude quake; 10-50cm waves strike Izu Islands