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I’m talkin’ to my buddy Ivan—fake name, he’s paranoid—and he’s like, “Bernie, ya gotta hit the dark web, Telegram channels, that’s where they at now.” I’m pissed, man! Why’s it gotta be so damn complicated? Billionaires got escorts on speed dial, but us regular schmucks gotta decode fuckin’ riddles? “Hang me, oh hang me,” I’m singin’ in my head, feelin’ like Llewyn, lost as shit. I dig the hustle though—makes me happy seein’ folks outsmart the system. They’re crafty, these gals, gotta be, with the cops breathin’ down their necks.

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I finally get my drink, and I’m feeling good. I mean, who doesn’t love caffeine? But then, I spill it all over my notes. Great. Just great. I’m standing there, looking like a hot mess, trying to salvage my work. The barista, this super nice lady, hands me a napkin and says, “Don’t worry, it happens.” I’m like, “Yeah, but not to me!”

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