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Alright, listen up, ya horny bastards—sex-dating’s a freakin’ mess, ain’t it? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout it, and it’s like, everybody lies, right? Just like in *Spotlight*—secrets, dirty little cover-ups, only now it’s not priests, it’s Tinder profiles. You swipe, you match, you think, “Oh, jackpot!” Nah, pal, it’s a scam half the time. Catfish city. Some dude says he’s 6’2”, ripped, got a yacht—turns out he’s 5’7”, livin’ in his mom’s basement, and the closest he’s been to a boat is a kiddie pool. “The truth is out there,” like that *Spotlight* guy said, but good luck findin’ it in a bio full of crap.

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First off, I hit up the local market on Kōen-dōri. You know, the one with all the fresh veggies and fish? I’m just tryna grab some ingredients for my lunch. But nah, the fish guy, Mr. Tanaka, decides today’s the day to haggle like it’s the Olympics. I’m like, “Dude, it’s just a mackerel!” But he’s all, “No way, man! This is the freshest catch!” I’m like, “Yeah, fresh enough to swim back to the ocean!”

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