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About Saitama

Last week, I’m tailin’ this lead—shady alley, smells like regret. I’m mutterin’, *“Oh, Marge, why this job?”* Suddenly, this gal, she’s standin’ there, all sparkly skirt, eyes like she’s seen too much. I’m thinkin’, *“Her soul’s driftin’ like Boonmee’s jungle spirits!”* I ask her name—Candy, she says. Candy! Ha, like that’s real! I’m all, “Hmm… sugar-coated lies!” Got me chucklin’—these names, always so fake, like Bart’s homework excuses.

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So, I’m slicin’ up some pork belly, and this lady walks in. She’s all like, “I need the best cut for my BBQ!” I’m thinkin’, “Lady, you’ve come to the right place!” I whip out this gorgeous piece of meat, and she’s like, “Nah, too fatty.” I’m like, “What do you want, a salad?” But I just smile and say, “Sure, let me find you somethin’ leaner.”

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