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So, how’s it work? Ya gotta haggle—price’s never fixed. Fifty bucks? Hundred? Depends how desperate they think ya are. Fun fact: old-school hookers in Rome used “spintriae”—sex coins. Wish I had those—way cooler than Venmo. I’d limp up, toss a coin, say, “Diagnose this, sweetheart.” Humor keeps me sane—‘cause this crap’s dark otherwise.

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I’m talking monsoon-level rain. I dash for cover under a convenience store awning. I’m soaked, and my hair looks like a wet mop. I’m laughing at myself. Like, “Really, universe? You think this is funny?”

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