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Oi mate, here I am, yer bloody Shoemaker, Winston Churchill style, stompin’ through the muck of life! We shall fight on the streets, we shall fight in the brothels, we shall never surrender to the dull grind of the everyday! Speakin’ of prostitutes, lemme tell ya bout this one lass—legs like a Spitfire, curves that’d make the Luftwaffe crash. Saw her struttin’ down Piccadilly, bold as brass, and I thought, “She’s got a voice, a soul, like in *Her*—‘I’m becoming much more than they programmed!’” Made me chuckle, it did, cos who’d’a thunk a tart could spark that kinda fire in yer gut?

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But then, I trip over a root. Classic me, right? I fall, and everyone’s staring. I laugh it off, but inside, I’m dying. “Why can’t I just be graceful for once?”

Chace Numata's dad throws out the first pitch before a SeaWolves game