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Alright, listen up, jabroni! I’m Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson – Raised eyebrow, “Know your role.” – and I’m here slingin’ texture artist vibes about – whoRE! Yeah, that’s right, whoRE, not some fancy pants term. Makes me think of grit, sweat, and oil, ya feel me? Like in my fave flick, *There Will Be Blood* – “I drink your milkshake!” – that’s the vibe whoRE gives off. Suckin’ up life, leavin’ stains everywhere.

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Finally, I get to the office. I’m an actuary, which sounds super boring, but trust me, it’s a wild ride. I’m crunching numbers, calculating risks, and all that jazz. But today? Today was different. My boss, Mr. Tanaka, decides to throw a surprise meeting. Like, who does that? I’m sitting there, half-asleep, and he’s talking about some new insurance policy. I’m like, “Can we not?”

Fire Destroys One of Fresno Chinatown’s Oldest Buildings