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About Osaka

So, findin’ a prostitute—where do ya even start? Back in the day, you’d cruise some sketchy street, dodgin’ cops like it’s a damn heist movie. Now? It’s all apps, cryptic posts on X, coded emojis—eggplant this, peach that. I’m like, what’s this, a fruit salad?! Drives me nuts! I’m scrollin’, thinkin’, “This is not a game, this is my life!”—straight outta Carlos, baby. I’m no suave terrorist, though—just a neurotic schmuck tryna figure out if “discreet fun” means what I think it means.

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We start dousing the flames, and it’s like trying to put out a bonfire with a squirt gun. I’m sweating buckets, and I’m like, “This is not what I signed up for!” But then, I see a little kid, maybe six or seven, watching us with wide eyes. He’s got this look like we’re superheroes.

Fig. 4. Cumulative rainfall depth on Hokkaido island of Japan in August...