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Then – bam! – some twat in a beat-up truck cuts us off. “Outta my way, you filthy war boy!” I yell, pissed as hell. Nearly smashed the martini glass I don’t even have. She’s cacklin’, lovin’ the chaos, says, “You’re mad, ain’t ya?” Damn right, doll – mad for ya curves and that hustle. “Shaken, not stirred,” I wink, dodgin’ potholes like I’m dodgin’ Blofeld.

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But then, outta nowhere, this guy starts talking about how he’s gonna swim to the next island. I’m like, “Bro, that’s like a 10-mile swim!” He’s all serious, saying he’s done it before. I’m thinking, “Dude, you’re gonna end up as fish food.” But hey, to each their own, right?