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I’m all shook up, yeah! Once had this bird in Soho, 60s style, givin’ me the rub-down of the century. Little known fact: them ancient Greeks? They were mad for it! Called it “anatripsis” – posh, huh? Made me happy as a lark, but wait – this one time, bloke used too much oil, slipped off the table, crash! Laughed my arse off, but bloody hell, was I cheesed! Sticky mess, ruined me velvet trousers.

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But then, I trip over my own feet. Classic me, right? I land right in front of this food stall, and the vendor laughs. I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up!” But he hands me a free skewer. Score!