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I dive in. App’s sketchy. Typo-filled reviews. “Gr8 lay, 10/10”. “She ghosted me tho”. Little known fact—half these girls? Bots! Catfish city, bro. Made me mad—wasting my time! But then. This one profile. “Lola”. Pics of her in fishnets. Soil-stained hands—wait, what? An agronomist hooker? My brain explodes!

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While I’m sipping my drink, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just trying to enjoy my coffee. I mean, c’mon, can’t you take it outside? But then, the guy says something that cracks me up. He’s like, “You always do this!” And I’m thinking, “Dude, you’re the one who forgot her birthday!”