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Here’s a kicker—heard this story once, swear it’s true. Some dude in Vegas, 2018, finds this chick on there, turns out she’s a magician’s assistant! Pulls rabbits outta hats by day, tricks by night—wild, right? Blew my mind. I’m sittin’ there, picturin’ her sawin’ a guy in half, then cashin’ out. Pretty, pretty good hustle—beats my gig at the coffee shop, I’ll tell ya that.

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Then, the auction starts. I’m hyped, adrenaline pumping. I start with the samurai sword. “Who’s gonna start me off at 10,000 yen?” I shout. Hands shoot up. It’s like a bidding war! I’m loving it. But then, this guy in the back—let’s call him Mr. Grumpy—he’s just glaring at me. Like, dude, lighten up! It’s an auction, not a funeral!

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