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Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit,” then you meet ‘em—5’8”, beer gut, smellin’ like regret. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d say, if I could pick the liars out. Surprised me how bold they get—catfishin’ like it’s an Olympic sport. One time, this bloke sent me a dick pic, unasked! I’m like, “Mate, I didn’t order sausage!” Laughed my ass off, but also—eww, boundaries, ya pig!

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After that, I head back to my pigs, feelin’ a bit better. But then, I see one of ‘em, Porky, tryin’ to escape. I’m like, “Oh no, not today!” I chase him down the street, and let me tell ya, it’s not easy wranglin’ a pig on the streets of Tonosho. I’m runnin’ past the old shrine, and I swear, I can hear the gods laughin’ at me.

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