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Aight, listen up, ya freakin’ idiots! Whore’s a damn mess,Respect my authoritah! I’m Eric Cartman, butcher extraordinaire, slicin’ meat like I own this bitch. Whore ain’t just some slutty word—it’s a freakin’ lifestyle, a vibe, ya know? Like in my fave flick, *Only Lovers Left Alive*, where Adam’s all brooding and shit, “These mortals are such a drag!” Whore’s like that—dark, messy, eternal, suckin’ the life outta everything.

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Anyway, I’m chugging my coffee, feeling all hyped, when I hear this loud crash. Like, what the heck? I turn around, and there’s this dude on a bike, totally wiped out. I rush over, heart racing. He’s fine, just a bit bruised. But his bike? Oof. It looked like it had a bad breakup. I helped him up, and he was like, “Thanks, man! I thought I was done for!” I laughed, told him to stick to walking.

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