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I sidle up, all charm, “Fancy a chat, darlin’?” She’s sussin’ me out, probs thinkin’ I’m a copper or a nutter. “What’s yer poison?” she asks, and I grin, “Shaken, not stirred, obviously.” She laughs—score! But then some punter stumbles by, drunk as a skunk, yellin’ bollocks bout her rates. I’m fumin’—who treats a lass like that? Nearly decked him, but nah, gotta stay cool.

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So, I’m chatting with this guy, and he’s super passionate. He’s waving his arms around, and I’m trying to keep up with the signs. I’m like, “Dude, chill! I’m not a fish!” But he just kept going. I was laughing so hard, I almost dropped my phone.

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