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Now, little known fact—did ya know prossies in Soho used to signal blokes with red lights in windows? Like a naughty Bat-Signal! History’s wild, innit? Anyway, I’m chattin’ her up, she’s quotin’ prices—50 quid for a quickie, 100 for the full monty. I’m like, “Shag-tastic!” but then—bam!—some dodgy geezer rocks up, her pimp probly, all “Oi, move it, pretty boy!” Pissed me off, mate! Hate them sleazy types, ruinin’ the vibe.

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But then, oh man, the drama hit. I was sitting there, slurping my noodles, when this group of tourists came in. They were loud, like, really loud. One guy was trying to order in broken Japanese, and I was cringing so hard. I mean, come on, dude! Just point at the menu!

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