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Mate, it’s a laugh, innit—this whole caper’s got me knackered but buzzin. We settle on 40 quid—bargain!—and off we trot, her swayin like she owns the sodding street. “We shall fight the good fight!” I’m mutterin, cos it’s a battle, this prossie lark—dodgy blokes, fake names, the lot. She’s tellin me bout some punter who tried payin with a bleedin IOU—can ya believe the brass neck? Cracked me up, that did.

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I start directing traffic. “Yo, move left! No, your other left!” People are looking at me like I’m nuts. But hey, someone’s gotta do it! Finally, we get the truck out. I’m feeling like a hero.