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I’m ragin’ happy thinkin’ bout this one time — saw this chick, right? Total babe, legs for days, standin’ by a busted lamppost. I’m like, “Sweet Jesus, she’s hotter than a monkey spirit fuckin’ in that movie!” — y’know, that freaky scene where Boonmee’s all, “The past clings like dust”? She’s the dust, man, stickin’ to ya! I waddle over, all cool, like, “Hey, babe, how much?” She’s all sly, whisperin’ prices — 500 rubles, cheap as hell! I’m thinkin’, “Score!” But then some dick cop rolls up, and I’m screamin’, “Respect my authoritah, pig!” Ruined my damn night!

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So, I’m strolling down Byodoin Street, right? The sun’s shining, and I’m feeling good. I pass this little tea shop, and I’m like, “Yo, I need some of that matcha latte!” I grab one, and it’s like liquid gold. Seriously, I could swim in it. But then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my lab assistant, Yuki. “We’ve got a problem!” she texts. Ugh, what now?

Southern area of Kyoto you should visit now! Recharge your energy with delicious food and good luck spots!