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About Fukuoka

So I hit this dive bar, stinks like vodka and regret. This chick, Natasha—fake name, obvi—comes up, all hips and smirks. “You want fun, da?” I’m like, hell yea, but I ain’t payin upfront, no way! She rolls her eyes, but I’m Eric fuckin Cartman—I don’t budge! “Respect my authoritah!” I yell in my head. She’s hot, tho—makes me happy, like, damn, Russia’s got game! Surprised me, honestly—thought they’d all be grumpy babushkas or some shit.

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As the night goes on, I’m feeling all the feels. The lanterns are lit, the music’s pumping, and I’m just vibing. But then, I hear this commotion. Some dude’s arguing with a vendor over a takoyaki. I’m like, “Bro, it’s just food!” But he’s all worked up. I mean, it’s Uwajima, not a food war zone!

Eight injured after earthquake rocks Shikoku and Kyushu